if i could be anything in the world that flew, i would be a bat and come swooping after you

The next person who tells me “Happy Fathers’ Day” is getting a fork to the eye.

Here’s a haiku:

I don’t need a card
to yell “who’s your daddy?” and
slap your mother’s ass.

Happy Fathers’ Day, Internet. Even to you, prison tatted Waffle House guy.