i got lots of money but it isn’t what i need

All work and no sex makes Jeremy a dull FUCK YOU.

It’s been my experience that, when your iPod is on shuffle and Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine” comes on, tapping your foot underneath your desk while you silently ponder whether or not the song is old enough to fall into the “lame music but has some nostalgic value so it’s okay to listen to” makes for a very handy way to distract yourself from how gay you are to have Bon Jovi on your iPod in the first place.

That’s a true story, and not fabricated for the purpose of this blog. Because I guess I’m gay.

Also, you should know that when Jon Bon sang the lyric “there ain’t no doctor that can cure my disease,” it was his way of telling you that he’s got the Aids.

Zing!

See what I did there? I took a jab at the Aids, which we all know the gays are still sensitive about (even though it’s so late ’80s (and quilting is even gayer than the Lance Armstrong bracelets (which are also quite gay))), but it’s okay. I’m allowed, because just one paragraph earlier I called myself gay. See?

And in doing so, I totally redeemed my heterosexuality and now I can admit I’m not really gay.

Sorry for the confusion, but that’s just how sexuality works. It’s in the rules, and I’m nothing if not a rule follower.