it could be a spoonful of coffee, could be a spoonful of tea, but a little spoon of your precious love is good enough for me

I think a good blog name for a fat goth chick would be “Morbid Obesity.”

Okay, so listen up, Internet: I know you’re all a bunch of liberal hippies, what with your incense and your black light posters and your Palin hate and all, and you’ve gotten so worked up over stupid socialized health care that you run around screaming and flailing your arms about, so much so that some of the patchouli oil flung off your dirty hippie body and got into my eye earlier, right into my eye it went and now I’m as blind in that eye as my dog is after Kristin’s cat scratched him.

And I know you say you’re for the socialized health care because you want the children to be healthy, or because your horoscope told you to be for it or because your father is against it and you still resent him after all these years or because Phish sang about it in a song or whatever. But I see through you, Internet, and as the beacon of honesty and integrity as I’ve come to be considered as of late, I fully intend to spread the truth throughout this great nation of mine that the real reason you’re for socialized health care is because you dirty hippies are all poor.

Me?

I’m against it.

And I know you won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t tell you why, but the joke’s on you because the reason is so obvious that when I tell you, you still won’t be able to get any sleep tonight because you’ll be too ashamed at how stupid you are. I’m going to tell you anyway, though, because I often have trouble sleeping myself. And fair is fair, Internet.

Traffic.

I’m against socialized health care because of all the damned traffic. And if some of the poor would just be a little courteous for a change and start dying, things would thin out and my commute wouldn’t take nearly as long.