my conscience is on vacation in acute degeneration, willpower has sunk to an all-time low

It won’t be after I put my dick in it.

Here’s something you may not know, Internet: sitting around all week while on jury duty, waiting for hours upon hours to be called in and told to spit out your gum and asked how much you hate the blacks and also the jews, is a lot like an all-day trip to the DMV, possibly to have your car’s title and registration placed solely in your name after you get divorced.

Except with jury duty, you’re able to pass the time daydreaming that maybe, just maybe, you’ll get to send someone to the chair by week’s end. Fingers crossed!

Here’s a haiku I wrote about an experience I had outside city hall:

It’s not that I can’t
spare the thirty-three cents, hobo;
I just choose not to.

I know I ended that last line with a preposition, but haiku is a Japanese art form, and Engrish is far less grammatically rigid.