the west is the best, the west is the best; get here, and we’ll do the rest

OMG at the Tiger Woods, Internet! Seriously, how amazing is it that he can perform at that level after taking so much time off for major surgery? I mean, did you see what he did on the 14^th hole?

Because I didn’t. Golf sucks. It’s fucking boring.

The only Blasians I give a shit about are the kind that make fetish porn.  Soul slopes, good. Men in plaid pants, bad.

And yeah, that was probably offensive and I would apologize but you and I both know I don’t mean it. But here’s my dilemma:

So I’m on the Facebook, right? And about a month ago some chick from the town I grew up in added me as a friend.

Now, until college, I lived in a small town of about 4,000 people or so. And while you might expect that, having spent my formative years in a town that small, that I’d have come to know the majority of people that live there, well, you’re right. I did. But if there’s one thing you’ll soon learn about me, Internet, it’s that I’m very proficient at forgetting about the insignificant people.

Like you.

And by that I mean that you’re insignificant, and not that you’re able to forget about insignificant people because how would you of all people be able to differentiate?

So anyway, this girl from my hometown added me as a friend on the Facebook a month or so ago, and I accepted because her name is — and I’m changing it here to protect the innocent (i.e. me, in case she googles herself) — but her name is, let’s say, Fattie McDon’tKnowWhoTheFuckYouAre. And while I couldn’t place the entire name, I did know girls named Fattie. And I did know people with the last name “McDon’tKnowWhoTheFuckYouAre.” So naturally I assumed she was just some sweat hog from the V.I.V.I. that I chose to forget about so as to use my brain to store other, more important information, like the boxing weight classes or New York Knicks rosters from 1992 to present.

Okay, so I accepted her request and whatever, but then I started seeing all these posts about her going to church and Jesus this and Jesus that, and she threw whatever stupid fake super-poke bullshit at people non-stop. So I defriended her McRib-eating ass because I do not need to see that nonsense when I’m trying to load Scramble.

Well.

Fast-forward to yesterday, when Fattie Mac added me back.

So what do I do, Internet? Because you know I don’t want to seem rude or anything. But really? Be friends with her?