it was a big bremelo standing on my toe, an enormous jelly belly tryin’ to say hello

Okay, Internet. I know there’s supposed to be a grace period and all that, and it’s Black History Month so that’s probably helping you turn a blind eye on account of all the white man’s guilt you seem to have because of your parents being racists and all, plus you’re all hippie liberals so you only throw your criticisms in the direction of the republicans and also the South, but I’m sick and tired of the hypocrisy so I’m just going to say it, no matter the repercussions I’m just going to goddamned say it:

Michelle Obama has a big ass.

And not in a sexy way, either. Far more Jessica Simpson than that Kardashian girl, the Michelle Obama is.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I really hope her husband can redistribute some of that junk into my trunk. Not all of it, please. Heavens no! I’m going for bootylicious, not bootyluscious. But a touch of redistributed ass my way and we all win.