i must have come to that crazy age where everything is hot, ’cause i don’t know if the things i’m thinking are normal thoughts or not

Holy shit, Internet! I know this will most likely come as news to you, but I just heard that the Alex Rodriguez used to be on the ’roids!!! OMFGROTFLMFAO.

So I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and it would seem that I’m finally starting to come out of the whole wanting to have a kid so I can get a cool neck tattoo phase I was going through a few weeks back. I know you probably find that upsetting and quite frankly I don’t care, but what happened was I went to the Toys’r’us yesterday and saw not one but two guys with the neck tattoos, and while one of them I’m pretty sure was of a baby’s name, the other was of slot machine-styled letters which read “777.”

I stopped in my tracks, imagining some toothless hillbilly nibbling on his neck in the back of a pickup outside the NASCAR race and screaming “jackpot!” and them laughing and laughing and laughing, until the snuff came right out of their mouths. Right out the snuff came (as I imagined it), and him thinking that it would make a great idea to for a neck tattoo.

So naturally I was going to tell him how stupid it was, but as I got closer and gave them both a good look, I could tell they probably listened to the Limp Bizkit. You could just tell, you know? And if that sort of thing comes with getting neck tattoos, the Limp Bizkit listening, well you can obviously count me right the hell out of that little scenario. No sir, no thank you.

So now I think I’m going to get a little teardrop tattoo instead, right below my left eye. It’s going to be symbolic, my teardrop tattoo will, of the way you make me cry sometimes.

From all the laughing and pointing you make me do.

Try not to be so lame, Internet. It hurts my belly after a while.