been to heaven, been to hell; bought the farm and i won’t sell

You know how sometimes you wake up the morning after a night of deviance and debauchery with this overwhelming feeling of self-loathing and disgust?

You’d sworn to yourself that the last time really would be the last time, but your total lack of ability (or willingness) to control your own actions has you right back where you swear you’d never be again, and that makes you feel like scum. That makes you feel lower than scum.

And when you finally gather the courage to pick yourself up from the floor and look into the bathroom mirror at the sad, vacant gaze of the shell of a person staring back, you reflect on what a waste you are, and can say with absolute honesty — the first truthful words to escape your lips in longer than you can recall — that you hate yourself.

You really, truly hate yourself.

You know how sometimes you wake up the morning after a night of deviance and debauchery with this overwhelming feeling of self-loathing and disgust?

Well, they say the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem, to yourself, and to those you love and care for. And since I don’t have any other forum other than this stupid little website, here goes:

I wake up feeling that way every morning.

About you.

I’d probably still do you, though. Probably after I’m nice and liquored up, but still.

Probably.