broken doors on bathroom stalls and waterfalls and booty calls

Another of the surefire million dollar ideas we came up with on Saturday revolves around a new type of fetish porn, the subject of which being old women pissing themselves. The Golden (Shower) Girls, we’ll call it.

Although now that I think about it, that name may be slightly misleading, what with the way all the Metamucil and prunes turn their urine more brownish than golden. But I’m not changing it, because there are two things you’ve absolutely got to have in order to make it in this business: a niche, and a parody title.

I went to the Hobby Lobby earlier to get some tiny Santa hats for me to put on shit around my house, and the Salvation Army guy ringing his bell by the door — a black man (not that there’s anything wrong with that) — called me “brother.”

“Help me out, brother?” he said.

I love it when a black man calls me “brother.” It makes me feel so accepted, and so harmonious and so… so urban. And it couldn’t have come at a better time, what with me needing to fit in with the blacks so that when the Obama redistributes whitey’s money, not only will he leave me be, but I might even get a little taste of the action.

Jack told me it’s penis week, so here. I’d say “NSFW,” but I don’t know what you do.