i wanna get me something for free; i wanna get sleepy, you won’t let me

Listen up, the gays: I know you’re feeling rather slighted right about now, what with the whole “America being more afraid of you marrying each other than they are of the coloreds” and all, but you really should try not to be such a racist. It’s unbecoming, and quite frankly I expected better of you.

Well buck up, little campers! Turn those frowns upside-down, because Uncle Jeremy promises that in, oh, say ten years or so from now, when things don’t work out (and we both know they won’t), but Blaine doesn’t have the right to half your property so you don’t have to worry about him taking your Will and Grace DVDs or bowls of potpourri or whatever the hell it is you people spend your money on, you’ll realize the homophobes of this great nation of ours did you a favor.

That’s the wonderful thing about this country; we take care of our fellow man, even when we aren’t trying.