into the bloody hole we’ll go, oh no! oh no!

So there I am in Boston, minding my own business and walking back to the hotel after finding out the 7-Eleven didn’t sell the cheap, plastic souvenirs my heart desired but they did have Hostess snowballs so whatevs, when I almost got in a fight.

This guy was leaning against the wall of a building, eating something out of a Styrofoam container and, right when I got to him, stumbled out onto the sidewalk in front of me and our shoulders touched. I kept walking because I didn’t really think it was an issue, but then I hear someone screaming behind me and when I turn around to see what’s going on, there’s this guy walking towards me.

“You make me spill my food and I’ll kill you, you fucking faggot.”

So I’m all “I’m sorry, what?” and he repeated it as he got closer. “You make me spill my food and I’ll kill you, you fucking faggot.”

Now this is probably going to come as a surprise to you, Internet, but I’m not really the aggressive, macho, street fighting type of guy. I know, I know… it’s shocking. “But you’ve got such a chiseled physique” you’re thinking, and correct about that as you may very well be, I’ve still never really been the fighting sort.

I am, however, the “doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut” sort (not to mention occasionally the “kick him in the nuts and run like hell” sort). But I wasn’t alone at the time, and not wanting to upset Kristin (what with her being a vegetarian and all (i.e. pacifist (i.e. hippie))), I decided to play it cool and just started walking away, my head turned towards him long enough to make sure he wasn’t going to follow me but my mouth firmly closed.

And he didn’t follow.

Whew.

Danger averted, thanks to my cool head and quick thinking. It was the sensible, mature thing to do, really. And taking the high road had pretty much everything to do with me not wanting the situation to escalate, and had nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the guy was roughly three times my size, nor the likelihood that in all probability he really would have killed me.

Also he was black, and I was worried I’d get his blood on me and catch the sickle cell.