i will carry the torch for you, my sole purpose is to torture you

You know, Internet, sometimes I really wish I were black so I could go to way-cool family reunions and then wear the commemorative t-shirts to all my usual hangouts like the Wal-Mart or outside the Circle K or as a guest on Oprah’s Big Fat Show.

I’d drink artificial fruit-flavored sodas and vote for Obama, and I bet I could get away with talking during movies, too, because it’s generally safe to assume the whiteys know better than to step to this. And the bling. Oh my god with the bling. Right? Right.

I figure I’d still pronounce milk correctly, though. Because I don’t believe in perpetuating stereotypes.

APRIL FOOLS!!!! OMGLOL!!!!

I wouldn’t really vote for Obama.