this is what i do, this is what i do, this is what i do: i sit on you

You know the hardest part about flying across the country to attend a seminar and having a midget assigned to your break-out group, forcing you to sit just one chair over from it for three full days? You might think it’d be trying to hold your breath all that time so as not to inhale any dwarf dander, but as usual you’d be wrong and would look stupid and everyone would point and laugh, even more than we do already which I know sounds impossible but trust me, we will.

No, the hardest part about flying across the country to attend a seminar and having a midget assigned to your break-out group is that when it comes time to do an exercise and the little critter wants to contribute, you and all the other real people in the group have to pretend you’re taking it seriously and are letting it participate. You’ll even have to look at it, and you can’t crack up and laugh and if you throw up a little in your mouth you have to swallow it right back down without gagging, not because you don’t want to hurt the midget’s feelings but because you want that god damned certificate of attendance in the worst way.

The worst way.

Watching it eat lunch was pretty tough, too.

And now I’m off to D.C. Toodles. Horns.