look into my eyes, what do you see?

Call me old fashioned, but I think it’s just a tad hypocritical for racists to take the day off on MLK. I’m talking about the white and doesn’t like the blacks kind of racist, mind you, and not the black and doesn’t like the whites kind, because I believe they’re well within their rights to take some time off, especially with Black History Month a mere week and change away. Them cardboard illustrations of Eli Whitney ain’t going to cut themselves out along the dotted lines, you know?

And I’m certainly not talking about the non-Mexican and doesn’t like the Mexicans kind of racists, because let’s be honest: pretty much everyone fits into that group.

But now I’ve gone off on a tangent. Where were we?

I celebrated the holiday by drinking heavily and playing Guitar Hero, even five-starring “Cult of Personality” on Hard. For you, Dr. King. For you.

Also yesterday, I saw an SUV that still had a Christmas wreath attached to its front. As you can imagine, my instinct was obviously to try and run them off the road into a ditch or off a bridge or something, but in light of the holiday and Dr. King’s message of peace and love, I decided instead to pull my car over, take a deep breath and calm the fuck down. Then I said a tiny little prayer to Jesus that the SUV burst into flames, slowly killing the driver and any passengers as punishment for sloth and also poor taste, because the man was a God-fearing reverend, and I think he’d have wanted it that way.

For you, Dr. King. For you.