staring at the goldfish bowl, poppin’ phenobarbitol
You ever wake up in the middle of the night and flip your pillow over, only to find the other side isn’t cool to the touch? You know that feeling of frustration you get as you flip it back over (in case you went too far the first time) but it’s still warm? The disappointment that comes with resigning yourself to a sleepless night resting your fat, pumpkin head on an unbearably warm pillow?
Yeah, well, that’s how we feel about you. Me. Your parents. Jesus.
All of us.
And I’m sorry to be so blunt about it, but it really is for your own good. Consider this an intervention of sorts. We want you to get some help and pull yourself together, your parents and Jesus and me, and we’ll be here, right beside you, every step along the way.
Your parents and Jesus will be, at least. I would, but I’ve got shit to do.
Beautiful. It's amazing how the holidays really bring out the milk of human kindness. But what are those chunky things floating in it?
I knew the day we met that a time would come that you would drop me like a used and bloodied condom. But you're worth it.
Why wouldn't you just get a Tempur-Pedic pillow? Mine's cold on the bottom.
Believe me it's easier than doing anything.
I can only applaud your honesty.
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