i wish i could say no regrets and no emotional debts
A word to the wise, Internet:
When you go to the Babies “R” Us store — as you might do when a friend is expecting and you have to buy a gift, except that you don’t really have friends so it probably won’t ever come up for you — and you see that they have a baby relief section, they’re talking about salves and powders and the like, and not the ear plugs, alcohol and jars of the SIDS you were expecting when you first thought of “baby relief.”
But wouldn’t that be a swell idea for a store, to sell jars of the SIDS for new parents to use whenever they’ve had enough? I can see the label now: “The SIDS, Now with More D!” and then in small print at the bottom “Best Used Before: The Little Fucker Starts with the Crying.”
People could appease the Jesusy by not having abortions and garner sympathy from the townsfolk (on account of the dead babies) in one fell swoop. More whorish of high school girls, rejoice!
Write that down, then file it under “brilliance.”
Happy New Year, Internet. Here’s to a 2008 that won’t suck nearly the balls this past year did. In your face, 2007!
Heheh, yes, that is very true. In most circumstances, the only thing to give you baby relief is to just not have one at all , but second comes vodka. It's the only way to survive it.
you're a better copywriter than i am. with those labels, you can make millions. here's to, well, millions, this 2008, poo cakes.
You handle SIDS with such tact and delicacy that I can not imagine this idea offending anyone.
SO wrong it can't HELP being right.
I hate to kill your buzz, but Babies-backwardsR-Us just circumvented your idea by selling super-billowy sheets. And cigarettes.
I must be a bad aunty. When my first niece was born all she did was cry. And by cry, I mean the type of crying which would make you want to have your reproductive organs savagely gnawed off by rabid feral cats. I was the only relative with the wits enough, and the STONES enough to pop some ear plugs in, take an anti-anxiety tablet with a JD chaser, and be able to hold the child for any length of time.
I'm also the dolt who gives out boxes of condoms as baby shower gifts.
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