you’re the part of me i loathe the most, the demons at my door

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and, unless I’m overlooking something obvious which ought guide me to the contrary, I really feel it would be in my best interest, should the time ever come for me to make a career change, that I consider becoming one of those people whose job it is to Photoshop out all the camel toe from photos of panties on the various packaging and advertising materials used to sell said panties.

A Photoshopper of Panty Packaging and Advertising Camel Toe, as I believe they’re called.

Truth be told, I don’t know if that’s the official or just the working title. It’ll take some creativity to fit it all on a business card, that’s for sure. I’m talking 9pt and sans-serif, bitches. Maybe even a soft return after “Packaging.” Who’s to say?

And once I get my foot toe in the door (get it?), the plan would then be to set myself apart from the legions of other Photoshoppers of Panty Packaging and Advertising Camel Toe by expanding my services offered to include the removal, erasing or otherwise flattening of the little panty bumps caused by the bushes.

I strategize thusly: the older generation of Photoshoppers of Panty Packaging and Advertising Camel Toe likely came up in the 1970s, a time when universal grooming patterns made digital bush trimming neigh-impossible for all but the most skilled, and as a result abandoned its practice. But the times have changed, my friend.

Oh, how the times have changed.