he has passed by giving his sign, left all the people feeling so fine

All day I’ve been thinking that, if I were a wizard, I bet my sex life would be oh so much better than it is currently. Not only has command of one’s wand most likely a bullet point in year-one curriculum, but consider this:

Vulvae imperio!

That’s right. But ladies, don’t despair, because just when you think I’m only in it for myself:

Phallus engorgio!

I thought you might like that. And I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, but if you really wanted to show me you loved me:

Anus alohomora!

Aww, yeah…