no man can deny them and all men satisfy them

Sorry I haven’t been around all that much lately. I won’t go into too much detail but, since you asked, I’ve divided the better part of my time this past week between doing some freelance work, pondering my immediate future, and burning midgets with a magnifying glass in the back yard.

I’ve also spent a lot of time thinking about women. You ladies sure are complex creatures, what with all your hidden meanings and doublespeak, and your premenstrual bitchiness, and your inability to open that new jar of pickles.

But I still love you. Your eyes, your lips… I love softly caressing your hair as your head rests in my lap. I love softly caressing myself as I download naked pictures of you.

I love women, big and small. But not too big. And certainly not midgets.

Mathematically speaking:

Midgets < Ideal Woman < Great Big Fat Girl

This only represents the relationship in terms of stature and girth, mind you. Conceptually speaking:

Midgets < Ideal Woman, and
Great Big Fat Girl < Ideal Woman

But I don’t want to get overly complicated and worry your pretty little head over something as simple as math.