i eat meat and like it, too; if you don’t, well you ought to

Take heed, Internet: it’s not that I think I’m always right, but rather, more often than not you’re just wrong. And personally, I think that reflects more on you than it does me.

And something else to sit and spin on: if you’re incapable of walking up or down stairs without spilling your soda, it’s probably because you’re too fat. Seriously Internet, take a quick look in the mirror and, even if you won’t admit it out loud, deep down I think you’re agree that the bottom of my shoes should really be sticky right now from Slim-Fast, and not R.C.

Right?

Right.

So go ahead and type your response, and then delete all the characters you accidentally typed because your fingers are too fat. That’s why that [← Backspace] button is larger than the others, after all; for you and your fat, greasy fingers.