hey little tickle bee, tickle me won’t you please?

So yesterday morning I’m watching some boxing I recorded the night before when I notice that TiVo apparently decided to continue recording for more than an hour after the match, saving that HBO whore show — you know, the one about the house of whores in Vegas with those two or three cute whores in it but, also, a whole lot of nasty whores with nasty fake tits — in its entirety.

That’s why I got TiVo; because TiVo gets me.

Not having anything else to watch on a Sunday morning, and not wanting TiVo to think I was ungrateful for the gift of soft-core porn, I decided to give it a watch.

Big mistake.

In the middle of the show when this hillbilly showed up to get himself a whore, and all the whores lined up to aid the hillbilly in making an informed choice, there, standing right amongst the regular (and plus) sized whores, was a midget.

Now initially I didn’t think anything of it; I can’t imagine the whores keep a clean and tidy house, and the whole place probably smells of dirty crotch, so it’s not all that surprising that a midget somehow made its way up the steps and into the building (probably when someone forgot to close the screen door behind them), likely attracted by the scent and in hopes of feasting upon the piles and piles of garbage and vaginal dander lying about. Normally they do tend to scurry beneath the refrigerator as soon as someone turns on the lights, but there’s always the chance of them getting caught out there in the open.   

But that wasn’t the case. As it turns out, that midget was a whore.

Now I know what you’re thinking:

“Gross.”

And you are correct.

And I know what you’re also thinking:

“Isn’t bestiality against the law?”

And you are correct.

But I’m told what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and being a proponent of civil liberties, I suppose I do feel that, behind closed doors, every man and woman should have the right to do as he or she pleases, even if what he or she pleases is so fucking sick and disgusting I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it.

The end.